A colleague of mine is considerably overweight and I’ve been wondering whether I might fit into the category of being an over-eater. What do they really mean when they ask if you crave food or sweets? I mean, come on, doesn’t everybody crave food or even sweets? (Oh OK, maybe not everybody likes sweets), but most of us like to munch on something good, right? But anyways, the thought that I might be an over-eater is quite scary. I have definitely wasted the last 5 years on too much laziness and not enough healthy eating and working out. But still, this new development scares me.
They say that being an over-eater can be a bit like alcoholism in the sense that you have to go through a 12 step program and watch what you eat from then on. No more overindulging unless you can control it and preferably not at all.
I saw a picture of myself yesterday and I got a small shock. Of course I acted like nothing had happened, but all of a sudden I saw a face that was far too round. And much rounder than I had convinced myself it was in the mirror. And that was seriously scary. And again, that just means that I need to do something about it. But come on, it’s summer and the barbecues are up ahead! Can I really miss those?
you do not feel like going to the gym. That’s the thing that many people may not understand, especially if they have never been fat in their life, but as seen as you get a bit heavy, you lose confidence and you do not want other people to see you. See you as in, parading in your swimsuit, jumping around with rolls of fat jumping along with you etc. And that’s when you get into this vicious cycle of not exercising, because you really don’t want to “share” your “fatness” with other people.
The summer is arriving and the sun has been shining, so I’ve been hearing people talk about going swimming, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go too. Firstly, I do not have any swimwear that fits, secondly, I would not feel comfortable parading around the pool as overweight as I am, and thirdly, I’m nearsighted and hate going places where I can’t wear my glasses and I’m half blind. The last one is an extra excuse that can get in handy sometimes.
Because the way I see it, if I’m going swimming, then I’m going swimming, as in doing laps. And I can’t wear my glasses as I do my laps. And if I can’t wear my glasses to the swimming hall, then I can’t see where I’m going. I remember a school trip from when I was 14. I had started using glasses by then and we all went to this big swimming pool. I walked up to the pool and jumped in, expecting it to be not too deep. But boy was I mistaken. What my blind eyes had not seen, was the painted warning that this was the very deep end. And when I came back up spitting water and feeling like a drowned rat, I was not happy. Damn…why did I have to lose my eyesight? Well not lose it completely, but when you only have around 65% eyesight, sometimes it can feel like you’re blind.
But anyways, the reason why I’m sitting inside in the sun is that I’m just too busy feeling sorry for myself and doing anything about it. I have high hopes for the next week and hope that something will inspire me to get on with it…
to say the least. It’s been raining alot these past three days and that’s just depressing. I woke up extra early today because I had to take an exam this morning. The exam went well and I have at last completed this semester. YES! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have suffered through 5 years of university studies and not even liking the subject you are studying? I swear to God that I have probably gained around 50 pounds, have multiple gray hairs as well as wrinkles and just an overall mental tiredness. These last years have been seriously tough and I can not wait for this to be finally over and me graduating. I’m gonna be writing my thesis next semester and I’m looking forward to that. To only concentrate on a single subject instead of taking 5 different classes and the school insisting on you taking exams at the same time in all these subjects. I sometimes feel that the schools are not trying to get you to learn to work or to be able to manage in the workplace after graduating, but instead focus on you taking exams where you have to learn the subject by heart. I mean, come on. Who knows everything by heart? Perhaps someone with a sticky brain, and that’s not me.
I spoke to my boss earlier this week about getting a raise and was told that there was no wiggle room for anything in my case. I need to finish more of my studies in order to get higher pay. Now wasn’t that nice? Or not. I feel a bit dejected, I have to admit. I mean, who want’s to work for 2.700 USD a month? I mean, I’ve spent years on getting this fu**ing education and this is what you pay me? Especially if I had graduated, I’d be getting 4.000 USD a month in beginning salary. But hey, at least I have a job. And I do value that they are flexible in the way that I can get a day off or go off early if I need to. So I’ll just stay positive for now at least, after having let out my frustrations here on the blog.
As I went to bed last night I started planning my workout schedule for the fall. I’m not seeing much happening this summer, although I wish I did. I started seeing myself going to the gym in the morning and then writing my essay after the workout. And wouldn’t that just be wonderful? Not that I’m particularly positive that it’s gonna happen, but damn, I do not want to graduate as a lawyer in a year’s time and be a fatty. I graduated as an undergraduate as a fatty and it was not pleasant. This I need to work on this summer…
The north western part of Iceland you find the Westfjords. I like to say that they are like the “head” of Iceland when you look at it on the map. Sticks out like the head to your left :) Such a beautiful place.
And for those of you interested in coming to Iceland, here’s a link to what to see and do here :)http://www.visiticeland.com/
There seems to ash everywhere these days. For some reason, there have been these huge ash clouds around the capital lately. Last night we had no real views of anything, it was like fog everywhere. Except where you could actually feel the ash when you took a deep breath or the itchiness that you get when there is something in the air. I felt itchy a lot yesterday and today seems to be no bettter. But hey, how many people can say they are surrounded by ash :)
I lay in bed last night and was thinking of all the things I would like to do in order to get in shape. I start imagining myself going to the gym and then for a swim and how freakin’ good I’d look after an entire summer of working out. And then I wake up the next day, work for 10 hours and all I can think about is getting home after work to eat, watch tv and relax. How depressing is that? A lot actually. I don’t fit any of my clothes anymore and I find myself more and more often in the situation where I am the biggest person around. And how awful is that? I don’t appreciate the fat arms, the thick waist and round legs. I mean, what’s a girl to do? Crap.
I’m an intelligent person, I know what I should do but it’s not enough. The willpower is not good enough…